35 yo male, malaysian been fapping since 14 ! Longest streak to date is a month and just completed ! Hooray! Relapsed (through sex) yesterday to celebrate 1 month abstinence.
History: I was kinda like a child prodigy between 10-13 years old (which I believe this is when the boy starts to have sexual energy). I was competing in various sports like table tennis, badminton, public speaking etc. In class, consistently ranked top 5 in the cohort and a school prefect. I was good looking and always surrounded by a lot of friends and life was inspiring and everyone said I would have a bright future.
After I was introduced to masturbation at 14, my grades deteriorated rapidly like stock market crash and I got downgraded to “Normal ” academic stream – and the genius within me disappeared and never came back. I became like a loner and everybody avoids me. My teenage years were depressed, no friends, no achievements, no hobby apart from fapping.
Yes, I did graduate with a university degree and land myself a decent paying job but I wasnt happy all the time. I have very low self confidence and unable to carry conversation with anyone whose corporate rank are higher than me. I only associate myself with people of equal or lower ranks which is not a good thing for my career – they said you are the average of the 5 ppl you hang out with. I stutter a lot when having conversation in a group setting and such failure scenes replay in my brain and torture me again and again for months.
I am born Leo – supposed to feed on ego to grow but my close friends are laughing at me for being a toothless or hairless lion.
To self-help, no matter how much motivational books or videos I watched on youtube it couldn’t really pull me out of my depressed mode. I have watched all the zig zagler, brian tracy stuff but it only helped to keep my sanity in check.
Sometimes if I fapped and the next day I have to go to work, I would get a intense headache at work, or feeling so drained like my brain juice got all sucked out and of which I often need to excuse myself with sick leave (one day wasted!) – so I rarely fap between Sun-Thu.
After a stressful workweek, Friday is my enjoyment day and I would fap for hours using porn which I thought it was okay as all other guys masturbate all the time – but normal does not mean it is right thing to do.
In a nutshell, my life between 14 to 35 (a good 21 years) is like shit ! sucky bosses (almost all picked on me), toxic friends, weird boyfriends (yes I am gay), i hate myself for being gay so much and so afraid of being found out. I missed out so many good opportunities in life to move overseas (to Canada, Switzerland, Aus) where so many of my friends in the elite class are now based in. I am constantly yearning to be like them but this dream is like I wanna reach them moon and need to wait for Elon Musk to take me there.
At work and amongst my friends, I am usually perceived as friendly, helpful, easy-going, no big ambition but you can also call me a pushover as I am easily influenced and changed my mind too quickly and too often – fickle minded.
All these I attribute to fapping:-
I thank god to make me realise it is not too late to change, especially my body is ultra sensitive.
During the one month, benefits I experienced:
Better Luck: This part is darn real, I feel the angels or “helpful invisible beings” are starting to come back to you, helping you in your life and whisper to you and guide you to find answers. One day, i fixed an important meeting with 3 managing directors and I was the presenter but I totally forgot about it, luckily the meeting was cancelled by one of the MD due to traffic. Whatever that I think of (positive things), it will somehow come to me.
Mind reading / intuition: I can read people’s mind better – i know what’s in their heads. During meetings, Asian bosses (East Asians especially) tend no to say things directly, i was able to understand the “underlying message” and addressed all the difficult issues that they raised – Yes, I looked into his eyes and tell him that which is something i was not able to do. I also went to Switzerland and I wanted to use a toilet/WC and the lady was speaking in heavily german accented english and pointed to the basement, so I went there I realised what she was saying is a passcode 223344 to the locked wc.
My presence is filled with “Chi” or “Energy”: I always go to this stall to buy foods and the “aunties” (middle-aged women) who are usually bad-tempered started to treat me nicely by charging me cheaper for the same dishes I ordered or offered to give me discount. wtf.
Less stress and worries: I feel Dale Carnegie’s book on “stop worrying and start worrying” – the first chapter shall be about semen preservation. All the worries are caused by the lack of Chi in my opinion. I used to worry a lot especially there are huge meetings coming up. The stress built up and grey hairs start to show. If you worry too much, your dark circles will show, skin will sag and even when you take a dump, it is watery shit and not the nicely formed tube shape (it is a indication of health).
In universe , everything is energy – >> if you expel your semen, this powerful energies have to go somewhere ..the enlightened monk who can see “these dark beings” shared that these demonic beings feed on our stuff to grow and they would keep following you like a parasite since you are a food source. My life has been so unlucky (never get job I want, bf I want, migrate to country i want, never have good friends I want) – it is because my energies have been sucked out by these fucking demons.
Wounds heal faster. I cut myself accidentally but the scab healed in 3 days.
Bigger dick when it is flaccid and it has a shine on it. The only bad thing is its become more cheesy and need to clean often. (like my teenage years).
Voice is like two notches deeper. When i speak it feels there is some magnet to it. People would listen to me speak during meetings.
Saliva is thick and glooey – it is as thick as cum. I spit when I smoke cigarette and I noticed the saliva is like so thick and glooey and it does not drip off easily. It is an indication of Chi. If you look at babies their saliva are always overflowing because babies are full of Chi.
Body temperature rise – my body temperature always stay round 35.5-35.9Celcius and I heard ideally is to increase this as cancer starts to develop if <35C. I measured recently it is 36.3C and I dont feel cold in the movie theater anymore.
I get less hungry – not so hungry and can skip two meals with no problems which is good for intermittent fasting.
Eyes – the white of my eyes become less brown and become very white if I have had enough sleep. The eyelids were a bit droopy but now it is starting to point up (i heard it has got to do with “Kidney CHI”.
I can link words like playing puzzles. I can do puns, i can say the right words, sentences at the right time. I wrote this in my Grindr profile (gay dating app) within two mins and maximise space allowed”
*Raging hormones in the body*
*Testosterone makes me crazy*
*Lions awake within me*
*God pls help keep my sanity*
*Sex addicts stays away from me*
*Aimless fun is plain stupid*
Political animal – i used to hate office politics. But now my animal instinct is back, like I said above I can sense people better and knowing people’s motives. I become better at politics and my colleagues were surprised about the change in me and told me what i said in the meetings is like politician giving a talk sometimes. I get more respect from coworkers within the month.
I want to win: the male hormones makes me aggressive, i want to fight for my life and my rights. I cannot accept nonsense (last time i would keep quiet). I want to win and my mind is telling me resorting to some tactics are good, i blow my own trumpets and I want to be seen by the management. My mind now is about strategizing on how to win in life.
Criticism dont affect me much. I get over it within one to two hours. I feel more male and any other males although I am gay. The lion within me is awakened.
Girls look at me in awe. I pay attention to people and I noticed girls are starting to look at me when I walk, eat and talk (which they dont for the past 20 years). For fuck sake, I want guys to look at me not girls.
I can sit and write for hours to write and concentrate like I do now – which is something i was able to do when I was <14.
I feel so compelled to clean the rooms and make sure my space is clean. Downside of this peculiarity / dark side is, I become very discriminatory and I hate mingling with less powerful people, my mind tells me they deserve it (fuck my mind!), i hate sharing tables or seats with fat and ugly people on train/food court , my mind tells me to associate myself with ppl of better qualities.
Less obliging to people, say NO say what is on your mind politically correct – again politics – I studied so much but I realised this is some human instinct and it cannot be learnt just by reading books. You need the hormones to bring this out. I become confrontational.
Lucid dreams: When two weeks in (when I was horniest) I also had the best dream of my life. I dreamt about a pop song (sounds similar to Bruno Mars type of music) and had I recorded down that song, I think it could make millions on the Billboard. Creativity just exploded in my brain and I was also making rhymes and poems in my dreams(In CHinese).
Short-term memory is amazing – I’d like to think it is angel whispering again. I can connect my thoughts quickly like someone beside me telling me things. Like recalling names of the clients and events. I can recall in one second. The old me would me like :”ahhhh…let me check….”! FUck my old-self.
Songs – They carry a lot of meanings and I can understand what the songs are intended to tell.
This is no PLACEBO. If you have a sensitive body like me, I believe you are closer to spiritual beings and you can choose to attract the right angels or the dark devils.
When you fap, the angels will say goodbye to you and dark devils will lure you to a deeper hell.
When angels are around, they make you laugh at almost the unfunniest jokes, helping you to connect dots faster, heal faster, perform better, look good…you are in high state of vibration, you will feel lucky and everyday is a great day.
Cheers and a lot of love.
My next goal is 90 days – i.e. 02-Feb-2019.
I will update again and my aim is to see angels soon